What is in my face? Why do I shudder and shelter in my shame?
I am keen to interrupt my comments on Hugo’s Les Miserable with an article on Chapter 6 of Part 1 in The Idiot by Dostoevsky – Myshkin’s story about the children and what is in the faces of his immediate company. Myshkin,” the idiot,” in his child-like life is meant to represent the Lord who loves all of the suffering and downcast, and has no pretense in his manner. This love for the downcast is contagious to his children who love Him and so love those objects of is compassion.
But how profoundly Myshkin reads the faces of Adelaida and Alexandra and Madame Epanchin. Especially his comments about Madame Epanchin (Lizaveta): “from your face I feel positively certain that you are a perfect child in everything, everything…” After having told the story of his experience in Europe and the children who learned to love and were easily drawn to love and held no pretenses in their show of affection or castigation . Myshkin himself felt shame but did not shudder or shelter at the shame. His face had the appearance of an idiot to many of the grown-ups around him, although no one hated him. He was self-aware that people thought him simple or even mentally handicapped, yet the opinion of others did not disturb his inner peace.
Myshkin has no shuddering in the shame of how his actions or words, or lack of actions and words, have been perceived. The shuddering might be brought on by what one fears people think. Mmmm. The sheltering comes in the moment when one is on the stage, and instead of speaking out and maintaining inner peace, one retreats behind a face that is “grown-up.” Many, including myself, withdraw into a shelter of an exterior appearance that has been built to advertise competence. So I might risk nothing, and miss the of opportunity to live life fully in that moment.
How might Myshkin read my face?