Easier Doing of the Deed: V1 B7 C10

Tags

anxiety, confession, prayer, self-awareness, trials

After all of the pre-amble – the mental wrestling with himself and God, the haphazard flinging together of a trip to Arras, the coincident delay in the proceedings, and the turning of a brass door knob – he took the final step to expose himself in humiliation with the confession of his true identity.

By this time, where he actually steps out onto the floor, the hardest part is over already. What I admire most about his fictional character is the detailed persistence to push his way up to the stepping out. When a conflict first presents itself to an individual, what follows in the mind of the man or woman is of the most interest to me. Especially over a range of days where the thoughts must be worked out. The freedom to think and choose how to think about the circumstance is great responsibility. It is never time to panic. It is always time to pray. JVJ was a mess, and perhaps there is no avoiding the mental mess that will or will not come to me by a circumstance. There remains to us the preparation of building a strong mind of humility and faith beforehand. Is this really a worthy goal?

There is this whole question of what should I do with the precious time that I have been given? My moments on the earth to be spent how? to start with my purpose in this world, and then to find a position of perspective on my life that will allow me to make decisions as to how I cold best fulfill that purpose. JVJ seems to be caught by this circumstance in the correct posture of knowing how his life is consistent with his purpose.

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Sister Susanna Alights

Tags

christmas, hope

Happy Christmas! I finished my Christmas shopping yesterday just in time. I have one gift to buy and I will inevitably leave it off until the last day, not knowing what to buy, and not resolving to take the required time alone to identify some material good that would strike the right chord with my wife. Admittedly, that chord would sound really good, but would mislead her to believe that I have thought long and hard about this gift.

But this year and last year I have had it easy. I have my consultant, Sister Susanna, who has visited us for the season and knows just what to buy. A wise man seeketh godly counsel. Shopping with Sister Susanna is fun because she not only has the best ideas, but is also like me in her shopping approach: found what fits, now buy it.

Sister Susanna is young but wise. We are so excited for her return home every year to spend a few days with us at Christmas. She understands me and takes care of me. Although I never remember her disrespecting me, she is bold and independent to assume her adventure in life, prepared for her since the beginning of time, that is different from mine. Not just different in the happenings, but in those passions and perspectives that drive it.

Sister Susanna will graduate college this year and more fully invest and engage in a life apart from us. But I am confident  that she will always return home to us and alight in our home for a few holidays.

Without even thinking: V1 B7 C9

Tags

homeless, les miserable, love, self-awareness

It seems that Champmathieu is fated to suffer in the prisons as a convenient answer to an unsolved crime. And resembling enough the real JVJ, the assumption is already a done deal and even his own prosecutor is conceding on the key point that determines his fate. Its all about the assumptions.

Yesterday in the movie theatre a young boy, perhaps 11, sat in front of me with his mother and siblings. The boy could not keep still and would jump up and down in his seat throughout, or swing his chair back and forth, clipping me on the feet at times. I looked at my daughter who was home from college for Christmas with the understanding that probably this boy has some issue with autism. Or perhaps it was purely behavioral, and he was trying to make a commotion. But in any event, he had some problem that was a nuisance to those around him. Even for someone as young as he was, it was easy for me to judge in my gut as an initial reaction.

But it strikes me that so much of my negative reaction to people is all about my narrow range of socially acceptable behaviors. And they are judgments that I place on myself as well that perhaps limit my freedom to enjoy the moments.

I am pretty anal about shopping carts in the store. I do not like it when our shopping cart gets left out in the middle of an aisle or at some high-traffic area so that people are inconvenienced by its presence. And with he same attitude, I judge others when they are oblivious to other people trying to get through the store as they obstruct a passageway, perhaps even leaving their cart in the middle of the aisle to wander off at some other location mindlessly browsing the merchandise. So part of my mission in the store is to correct the position of the cart as my wife moves through the aisles. I don’t want to be judged as someone who is insensitive to others. And of course, I am quick to judge the inconsiderate centerlane wheeling of the oblivious housewife for her self-centeredness.

Yes, of course this s extreme behavior. But it explains a lot about my imitations as a person. It explains why I might not enjoy life more in the moment without worrying about judgment from others. And it explains why I might not be so quick to presume good character from strangers who have not followed the same cultural nuances that I have.

It all happens without even thinking. But I am living more in the moment as I acknowledge my tendency to prejudge, and my extremely narrow view of the world. But even in this acknowledgment, I can let my self off of the hook. Sure, God is much bigger than I can imagine or understand. Sure, people have their experiences, lives, and beliefs that are just as valid as mine. But the more recent revelation in all of this is that my God is near to me, and uses me even in my narrowness. So I don’t have to beat myself up over my tendencies; this helps me to let go of my prejudgment and to love a homeless man like Champmathieu.

Turn the knob: V1 B7 C8

Tags

bold love, brass knob, decisions, purpose, worry

Walking up to the edge of a diving board is a decisive experience. Whether I was afraid of the height as a 8-year old at the community pool high dive; or whether I was compelled as a dad to establish the playfulness by making the first plunge into the cold depths on a spring day at the hotel, it was time to make the decision. The same moments have existed for me especially through my youth: the quick decision to speak up in a crowd, or to reach out and grab my girlfriends hand, or to say those words out loud in a personal relationship. Sometimes, the hard words need to be said that may lead to conflict – I blurt it out, or not. And there are the moments of potential embarrassment like the first steps walking out onto the dance floor and presuming to move as if it were a graceful coordinated gesture.

Here the round polished brass door knob, that shone like an ominous star, held the moment of decision for JVJ. And he stepped right into that moment. Ahhhh. Might I follow him there. To give it all away for the joy of a true heart.

Might I learn to recognize those brass knobs in my world and rush to the moment to “convulsively” yank them open. Maybe I will not have thought them all of the way through, and I will have to just be in the moment and respond from who I am, foolishness and all. Perhaps I will have to go back and apologize, but my heart will be trained in honesty and bold love.

 

Perceived reprieve: V1 B7 C7

Tags

arras, jean valjean, little things, motives, reputation

Ever volunteered to do something with someone else or give something away, not really wanting to do it, and then find out that your offer was turned down for circumstances you did not know about? I have quite often. Just last week at work I volunteered to help a woman out who need me to give a one-hour tour to some visitors. Yes, I had no meetings scheduled at that time, but I stay very busy at work. But the morning of the scheduled tour, it was cancelled, and I got a gracious email saying that I had been kind to volunteer. So I got the “points” toward a good reputation without having to make the actual sacrifice.  Did I really deserve to be viewed as kind if my heart wasn’t in it? Didn’t the whole affair turn into a selfish act on my part to build a good reputation?

This principle has its negative counterpart as well. When I deserve to be found out about something that I did wrong, and I try to confess, and end up being let off the hook by a friend who says tat I am being too hard on myself, I can easily credit myself with a repentant heart that did not have to undergo the shame to which it was deserving (and perhaps, badly needing.)

JVG ends up experiencing all the shame and offers himself up fully in the courthouse. Still, he was somewhat at the mercy of the circumstances, and t seems would have accepted the outcome as God’s will if he had arrived so late to Arras as to miss the trail altogether. The best quote appears early in the chapter when he finds that his trip was substantially delayed, and expecting such a reprieve:

He did himself the justice to feel that it was not his fault. But at bottom, he was not sorry for it.

So what am I to do? Indulging in the circumstantial reprieve can easily slip into a self-deception taking the comfort and giving only half the effort at a good confession. To be wary of this self-deception is only to look out for my wandering away from the love of God.  It means that I am resting more on my outward comforts than my inward position as God’ accepted child. To guard myself from this pattern, I never tire of well doing, and must seek anonymity for deeds of grace when possible. To nurture the inner heart of integrity more than the outward comforts. But thanks be to God who delivers me, for I am a naive child in this complex game of motives.

Beyond a mother’s joy: V1 B7 C6

Fantine is on her deathbed and could only be consoled by the belief that she would see her child soon. “A mother’s joy is almost like a child’s. She knew that if she could just hear Cosette breathing beside her, that she would revive. So her life finds its satisfaction in seeing her child prosper.

Here is a pretty simple statement of the call of God in my life. Even as Jesus wept over Jerusalem in tender love:

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. Matt. 23:37

So am I called to care for others.

(But Jesus did not give up on his mission because of his care. He could not just sit in a burning house with his demanding child who refused to go. He knew that some difficult times were necessary to follow through on his love.)

So I am called to care for others. Leading out in a healthy direction, I must be a steady man who cares and listens all the while. There is such joy to be found in the self-sacrifice.

What comes naturally for a parent should be extended in the kingdom of heaven. As my children have grown to be adults I constantly find joy: Ben with his big shoulders and constant caring provision for his family. Nick on his adventure in Texas with his bride. And Hope who lives so deeply and thoughtfully and brings so much of herself into every human interaction. I find such joy. But that’s just it: I have benefitted and my audience is great.

But to become this for the world is the main theme of the book – to care for the helpless. “How blessed is he who considers the helpless.” Psalm 41:1

JVG has found his main passion in emulating the bishop to care for others, and especially the helpless – hence his very reason for being driven to the Court of Assizes at Arras where he will choose to pay the highest price to defend the most helpless with the least audience for the act – God alone.

Champmathieu is indeed the most helpless, being a man who is resented by the public for his very appearance, lacking in intelligence, and who is buried by evidence – no matter how false. But he is still a valuable human soul who should be loved and cared for by those who are thrust into his sphere.