At 59, I see my life with a bigger perspective that is less linear and more dependent. I see that the close-minded focus that I had as a young man had a common purpose with my mid-life loosening into a more generous attitude. And the influence of my mentors and teachers, the people and books that I have known, is all directed by God who cares so much for me.
I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth. Now he who plants and he who waters are one; but each will receive his own reward according to his own labor. I Cor. 3:7-8.
As a young man, I thought I had life figured out. And I was full speed ahead with the limited perspective that I knew from those around me whom I respected but believed all too readily. In whatever domain of my life I lived, I valued authority way too much. The valuing was not a choice, but I tended to admire/envy those who were in authority over me thinking tat they were intrinsically more gifted or smarter than I. Its always worked out fine making me a man who has compliant attitudes, but I was growing in my liberality of grace. Literature has affected me through the back door and my rigid attitudes and believe that are culture-centric has softened.
As for my faith, I realize now more than ever that I have nothing else to cling to except Jesus and His righteousness, piggybacking onto his death, burial, and resurrection. I cling to that truth as my only hope and relish His love for me. But I have very little figured out about what to tell others about their living. And I no longer see clear lines between people, counting them myself, as sheep and goats. My deep thoughts have been thought by others who do not share my articulated convictions. I cannot bear the evil means that lead to an imagined ideal end, brought on by coercing men politically to believe rightly. And, I am just as valuable and capable as those who have been and are in authority over me.
But every relationship, both giving and receiving, in which I have partaken in my life, has been for this greater work of my life itself. I trust more strongly than ever that it is God who causes the growth and has used all of the striving and rejoicing indeed to create me and continue forming me to perfection as He intends.
And I too have a part in the works of others. I can choose to participate in their life authentically, using what God has placed in my heart to encourage or equip them in the present moment.